


Call me if anything

by Aida666



Series: Platonic Shyan is it [3]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Based On Buzzfeed Unsolved, Hurt Ryan Bergara, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Phone Calls & Telephones, Top Shane Madej
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-09 15:20:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17409338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aida666/pseuds/Aida666
Summary: It's the night before wedding. Ryan's keep thinking about whether what he does is right. It leads him to a spiral of anxiety. He decides to call Shane, who for some reason can't offer the help and relief Ryan seeks for.*Their hearts were breaking under the pressure of their own pride.*





	Call me if anything

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there, 
> 
> Another one-shot of lovely Shan cause this ship writes itself. I tried to keep it as realistic as possible.  
> Hope you'll like it. :)

_Alright, I'm gonna call it a night, buddy! Go to sleep, tomorrow's your big day. See you at 7. :)_

 

Ryan re-read the text from Shane again, he then sighed as he looked over at his sleeping fiancee. She looked so happy in her sleep. Usually she wouldn't sleep well when in the hotel, but tonight she slept like a baby. Ryan was glad she did. Otherwise he wouldn't be able to explain himself. 

 

_What are you even doing?! Do you think you can really run away from her like that?!_

 

The mean voice in his head was right, he couldn't leave her like that. She did deserve better. And because he was a coward before now he had to face consequences of his actions. The actions that lead him here. Into this particular hotel room in scandinavian style. 

Ryan stood up, flexing his arms in pure frustration, for a moment he just stood there, trying to calm down. But the mean voice wouldn't shut up.

 

 _This is all your fault! Why didn't you stop it?_  

 

Ryan headed to the window to seek calm in the view of this beautiful city at night. He really could stop it. But what for? How could he be sure he wouldn't lose both - Helen and Shane? 

The city was as alive as every other bigger city in USA. He could hear distant sounds of the traffic, people and even a emergency sirene was heard from time to time. The waters of nearby river were reflecting those various lights in a way that made the whole view even more knit and heartbreakingly beautiful.  Face to face with such a beauty Ryan in his devastated emotional state couldn't help but begin to panic. 

 

At first his breath just got shorter and he needed to take a little more breaths than usual. Then he started to shake and occasional whimps escaped his mouth. Ryan felt goosebumps on his arms as he pressed his hands on his mouth to stop those whimps, but it only made it worse. He quickly realised he has to leave the room otherwise he'll wake up Helen and he wouldn't stand a chance now. Stumbling he somehow made it to the door and got out without waking up Helen. His breath got shorter and shorter each second and suddenly he felt like he couldn't breath at all. He was wheezing but not in a happy way. He was short on breath and he felt like yelling but he couldn't make a sound if he tried. 

Ryan reached to his pocket for his phone, but his shaking hand couldn't hold the phone. When it fell down on the ground Ryan almost fainted on the floor too. He felt his vision getting weaker. He knew it's really bad anxiety attack. He dialed the only number he could think of and waited while literally choking because of anxiety. 

 

"Hey buddy, what's up?" Shane sleepy voice came through the phone like a blessing and a curse at the same time. It only made Ryan's breathing worse. 

 

"I need..you." Ryan got out of himself inbetween of whimps and yelps. 

 

"Are you okay?" Shane asked, concerned, Ryan could hear shuffling sounds coming through the phone. 

 

"I.. Am .. Having a.. Panic..panic attack." Ryan said, it was very hard for him to say each of these words, because anytime he tried he felt like dying. 

 

"What? Where are you?" Shane's voice filled a panic, which wasn't something Ryan would need in such a situation. 

 

"I.. In the hotel..," Ryan answered, barely breathing at this point. 

 

"Alright... I got you man, just breath," Shane muttered, voice low and insistent, "..i'm here. Calm down, buddy," Shane kept repeating that for a long time. 

 

Ryan only slowly started to breath in an usual way. He felt the pressure leaving his chest, yet he couldn't find peace. Nor in Shane's voice. Not in the fact he can breath again. Not in anything. He needed Shane there. Right next to him. And he knew that damn sure. Yet he couldn't do a shit about it. 

 

"Ryan?" Shane's soft voice brought Ryan back from his wondering. 

 

"Yes?" He formed quietly, scanning the hotel carpet he was currently lying face down on. It was awful orange and really rough if Ryan could tell.

 

"Now tell me what was this all about," Shane said and Ryan could feel him smiling, it wasn't a mocking smile, just the one that comes with somewhat of relief.

 

"I can't do it," Ryan mumbled, closing his eyes for a brief moment just to re-open them a second later to see the same awful orange yet again.

 

The other side of the phone remained silent for so long Ryan actually thought Shane hung up. But then a sigh came through, the one people do when they stretch their limbs or when they lie down. "Sometimes things don't go as we'd like them to," Shane said after a while, "but that doesn't mean it's the end of the world," he continued.

 

Ryan began to be frustrated again, because Shane obviously didn't understand shit.  
"Shane I don't need a ted-"

 

"I know, just let me finish!" Shane snapped, voice an octave higher than usual. Ryan knew he didn't mean to be rude he just had hard time with deeper emotions and how to express them. And since talking about it was everything but easy for Shane, he really had to give him kudos for trying, he remained silent.

 

"Sometimes it happens that our ways in life doesn't exactly match the idea we made... And that's fine, that's just life," Shane was speaking in a low and slow voice, letting his words linger inbetween them.  
"And it's only natural that you are scared, but believe me this is the right choice," Shane then added.

 

That wasn't what Ryan wanted to hear. He called Shane. He wanted to talk to him. He called him for some string of hope it might work out for them if he tried. Not this.  
"That's such a bullshit!" He scoffed, sitting up as he leaned his back against the wall.

 

Yet again there was silence between them just to be broke by a chuckle from Shane seconds later. One unhappy chuckle followed by Shane's calm voice; "yes...yes it is, but Ryan, there's really no other way."  
At the end Shane's voice was almost breaking.

 

"How can you be so cool about it?" Ryan got out of himself through his clenched teeth. The whole situation was nothing but frustrating for him.

 

"I'm not," Shane answered, "..but I will always find a way for us," he said quietly. That made Ryan speechles for a second. _a way for **us**..?_

 

"I'm not sure I can do it..," Ryan conffesed quietly to the other person on the phone. 

 

"Oh, Ryan.. of course you can," Shane laughed with an unhappy laugh.

 

 

"I wish I could get another chance.. I would.." Ryan mumbled, burying his face into his hand, suddenly tired from the previous attack and the emotional drain in got him.

 

"Ryan, listen to me. I know it hurts, I know it may feel like the end of the world, but it's a big move in your life so it's fine to feel scared," Shane kept talking to him, conforming him, trying to help him find his balance.

 

"Shane," Ryan yelped suddenly, resting his head on the wall.

 

"Yes, buddy?" Shane chuckled, Ryan could hear his steps through the phone. He was certainly going somewhere.

 

"What should I do?" Ryan asked, only slowly he picked himself up from the floor.

 

Shane sighed again, "I can't tell you that. I wish I could but you know this one is on you," he replied to Ryan's question.

 

"What do you want me to do?" Ryan changed his question so he woould at least some clue from the other man. 

 

Shane sighed deeply, remaining silent for such a while Ryan began to question whether or not was this right to ask. "I want you to be happy," Shane admitted after a moment.

 

"Alright," Ryan sighed, heading back to his hotel room to lay down to bed and stare at the ceiling for the rest of the night. Shane was really no fucking help at all... This was a lie and Ryan knew it. It was just..just that it hurt so much.

 

"Ryan!" Shane called out just when Ryan was about to hang up.

 

"Yes?" Ryan asked, at this point tired and fed up with what turn did this conversation take.

 

"I.." Shane stopped as if he wanted to rethink it, when he spoke again, his voice was different; "Good night, let me know if anything."

 

There was another moment of silence. The one filled up with tension. Yet nethier of them built enough courage. No one wanted to be the potentialy rejected one. And so, as it happens, even this call ended with awkward goodbyes, unsaid words and unrevealed feelings.

 

Those hearts were breaking under the preassure of their own pride.

 

How could this be even remotely enough? 

 


End file.
